🌼 I didn’t know what our family would look like on the other side of hard. I just knew I wanted something better for my kids.
Growing up in a broken family never really leaves you.
It changes the promises you make to your own children.
And when I had my own children, the one thing I promised myself — the one thing I held onto — was that I would give them something different.
A home that felt steady.
A life that felt safe.
I wanted that for them more than I wanted almost anything else.
And then I found myself in the middle of one of the hardest chapters of my life, watching that dream feel further and further away.
The Chapter That Almost Broke Me
There was a stretch of years that I don’t talk about in full detail very often.
My papa — the man who adopted me, who stepped in when he didn’t have to, who got me out of a situation when I needed someone to show up — was losing himself to severe dementia and Alzheimer’s. It accelerated when fluid built up around his brain, and watching someone you love disappear piece by piece while you’re already barely holding on is something that changes you in ways that are hard to explain.
I was also going through a divorce.
I want to be careful here, because it is not my place to tell someone else’s story.
What I will say is this — my ex-husband had his own battles. A hard life, real struggles, things I couldn’t reach in and fix no matter how much I tried or how long I stayed.
The divorce itself wasn’t the hard part.
The hard part was watching my kids go through it.
My son was 10. My daughter was 5.
And I felt like I had let them down.
More than anything, I had wanted better for them.
Coming from broken made that desire even stronger.
The thought of them carrying that same kind of hurt was painful.
There was a point during that stretch where I felt like I was sinking.
Like no matter what I did, I couldn’t get my footing back.
And then, slowly, someone helped me stand back up.
Taking Almost Two Years to Get There
My current husband came into my life during some of those hardest months.
But my kids didn’t meet him for almost two years.
That was intentional.
They had already been through so much. The last thing I wanted was to bring someone new into their world before things had settled, before I was sure, before I felt like I could protect them from any more disruption.
So we took our time.
And when we finally felt ready, we kept it simple.
We met somewhere outside, somewhere the kids could move around, run off, come back without it feeling like a formal introduction they had to perform.
And then we got ice cream.
The visit was short on purpose.
Instead of pushing for more, we let it stay simple.
Keeping it easy for them mattered more than anything else.
Because that was always the priority.
Their peace mattered more than any timeline.
What They Said in the Car on the Way Home
They were quiet afterward.
Which honestly felt right.
They didn’t have big reactions either way. They just said it wasn’t that bad. That he seemed nice.
And I held onto that.
Because I knew this wasn’t going to be one conversation or one afternoon.
This was going to be a long journey.
For all of us.
They were still processing so much — the divorce, the changes at home, a new version of normal they hadn’t asked for.
And I had to show up for them in a completely different way than I ever had before.
I paid close attention.
Whenever something felt off, I tried to notice it.
Even when they didn’t always want to talk, I kept the conversation open.
And one night my son just exploded.
All of it came out at once.
And instead of trying to fix it or explain it away, I just held him.
We both cried.
He still remembers that night.
I always tell him the same thing.
He has absolutely nothing to be sorry for.
Nothing.
The Moment I Knew
My husband had been saving for his first house for a long time.
Once things became more serious between us, he bought it with us in mind.
It was no longer just a house he was buying.
It was a place for all of us to land.
A place where our family could start building something together.
And somewhere in all of that, there was a quiet evening that I go back to in my mind sometimes.
We had just gotten my period.
Another month of trying and it hadn’t worked.
He was in his chair, quiet, carrying disappointment the way he always does — turning inward a little, finding something to do with his hands.
He was playing a video game he loved as a kid.
And without anyone telling her to, without making a big deal of it, my daughter just walked over and climbed into his lap.
He pulled her in.
Let her sit there with him while he played.
He explained what he was doing.
Let her try.
Nobody said much.
It wasn’t a moment that anyone planned.
But I saw it.
And something in me just settled.
Why He Understood Them
Because his own parents had divorced when he was young, he understood something about my kids…
He understood what it was like to navigate a split family.
Growing up between two different worlds gave him a quiet understanding of what my kids were carrying.
He didn’t need me to explain every part of it.
In a lot of ways, he already knew.
And he showed up for them anyway.
Every day.
Not perfectly.
We don’t always see eye to eye on everything — that’s real, and I won’t pretend otherwise.
But he is constant.
He is safe.
He would defend and protect my kids without a second thought.
They know that now.
They feel it.
Just recently, he started teaching my son how to drive.
My son, who is 15 now and making his own plans for his own life.
Watching that happen — watching my son light up in a way that comes from being chosen, from having someone take the time — that’s something I don’t take for granted.
What He Took On
I think about this sometimes.
He came into my life knowing I had two kids from a previous marriage.
My tubes were already tied, and our future was uncertain.
Still, he chose to jump in with both feet.
He took that risk for us.
For me.
I could never doubt his love.
Not after everything he’s walked into willingly.
What They Gained
I don’t always have the right words for this part.
What I know is that my kids are not the same kids they were a few years ago.
They are steadier.
More grounded.
They have a place to land that feels safe and constant.
People around them who are paying attention.
Who want good things for them.
Who show up even when showing up is hard.
Watching them grow into who they are becoming — quietly, in their own time — is one of the greatest gifts of my life.
I can’t take credit for all of it.
Life shaped them.
Hard things shaped them.
Good things shaped them.
And the people who chose to love them shaped them too.
This family is still unfolding.
And I am so grateful for where it has taken us.
✨ Thank you for letting me share this part of our story.
If you’ve been through something like this — building a family that didn’t start the way you planned — I would truly love to hear where you are in that journey.
With love, Rachel (RaiRai 💛)
You might also enjoy:
→ The Version of Me I’m Still Becoming
→ Some Days I Feel Like I’m Giving Them Pieces of Me
→ To the Fathers Who Keep Showing Up
→ The IVF Journey That Led Me to You — After Tubal Reversal & Infertility
This post is based on my personal experience and is written from my own story. Every family looks different, and this is simply one piece of ours.
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