🌼 The shots looked scary at first… but the emotional part was what surprised me most.
Before starting IVF injections, I knew there would be a lot.
People told me there would be medications.
They told me there would be needles.
They told me it could feel like a lot to keep up with.
But when I actually saw everything in front of me, I remember thinking…
Wow.
I did not realize it was this much.
Even what I imagined “a lot” would look like was nowhere close to what it actually felt like when all the medication, syringes, needles, instructions, and timing were suddenly part of my life.
I felt overwhelmed.
I felt nervous.
And honestly, part of me felt emotional in a way I was not fully prepared for.
Because yes, part of me thought, okay… this is what we have to do.
But another part of me was still carrying guilt.
Guilt over the choice I made years earlier to get my tubes tied after my second baby, during my first marriage.
At the time, that decision made sense for the chapter I was in.
But later, when I met my husband and we wanted a baby together, that choice suddenly carried a completely different weight.
For a minute, I wondered if I had made this harder for us.
If this was my fault.
And then there I was, staring at all these medications and needles, realizing IVF was really happening anyway.
Before IVF, We Tried Other Steps First
Before we got to IVF, we tried other things first.
I had a tubal reversal, hoping maybe that would be enough.
Then came fertility treatments and IUI.
IUI was where they collected and prepared the sperm, then placed it directly into my uterus around ovulation to give us a better chance.
At the time, I was still hoping maybe we would not have to go all the way to IVF.
Maybe this would work.
Maybe one of those eggs would fertilize.
Maybe my body just needed a little help.
The medication did work in the sense that I was making more eggs each month. So every cycle, I would get my hopes up again.
And then my period would come.
Again.
And every time, it hurt.
We never really knew the exact reason we could not conceive on our own after the tubal reversal.
Maybe it was scar tissue.
Maybe the tubes just did not work the way they needed to after being tied and then reversed.
Maybe it was something else.
I do not know.
But I do know that month after month of hoping and then being disappointed started to wear on both of us.
The First Clinic Did Not Feel Right for Me
I do not want to say the first clinic was terrible, because it was not exactly that.
But I did not feel seen there.
The interactions with the doctor felt awkward and quick, like I was just another patient moving through the process.
And I understand that doctors have so many patients.
I really do.
But when you are going through infertility, you are already carrying so much emotionally.
You are already scared.
You are already hoping.
You are already blaming yourself for things you may not even be able to control.
So when the care feels rushed, it can make the whole process feel even lonelier.
Eventually, my sister-in-law told me good things about another clinic. She was working there at the time.
When she talked to me about it, it felt overwhelming just hearing everything involved.
But it also felt like a sign.
And when we transferred to that clinic, it felt different.
The doctor spent more time with us.
He explained things in more detail.
He made us feel safer and more aware of what was happening.
I later found out he had gone through IVF himself with his wife.
That explained so much about the way he treated us.
He was not just running through a protocol.
He knew what it was like to be sitting where we were sitting.
That mattered more than I realized it would.
Having Someone Who Understood Helped So Much
One thing I will always be thankful for is having my sister-in-law to talk to during that chapter.
She understood IVF in a way most people around me could not, because she was going through it too.
That made me feel less alone.
It was not about comparing our paths.
I never felt like I was measuring mine against hers.
It was just comforting to have someone who understood the symptoms, the shots, the fears, and all the weird little details that come with IVF.
There was even one time I was confused about one of the shots that came in a pen.
I did not feel confident, and it felt like too much in that moment.
She called me and walked me through it.
That helped more than she probably realized.
I will always be grateful for that.
Because sometimes during IVF, you do not need someone to fix everything.
You just need someone who can say:
I know.
I get it.
Let me help you through this one step.
My Little Pink IVF Box
I kept a lot of my IVF supplies in a little organizer box.
It was one of those plastic boxes usually used for hair stuff or accessories.
The bottom was pink, and the top was clear plastic.
It opened and closed, and somehow that little box became part of the whole process.
It held so much more than supplies.
It held medications.
Needles.
Instructions.
Hope.
Fear.
All of it.
Looking back, I can still picture that box.
And I remember how strange it felt that something so ordinary could hold something so big.
I first mentioned this little box in The IVF Journey That Led Me to You — if you want the fuller story of how we got here.
Things That Helped Me Stay Organized
Nothing made the process easy, but it did help me feel like I had a little more control in a process that already felt so out of my hands.
Printed calendar
I liked having a calendar I could actually write on. Seeing the appointments, medication times, and changes in front of me helped me process what needed to happen each day — and crossing things off felt so satisfying.
You can print out just the month or months you need for your IVF cycle, or use a simple yearly planner if you want everything in one place. For me, being able to see it all laid out made the process feel a little less scattered.
Folder for IVF paperwork IVF comes with a lot of paperwork. Having one folder for instructions, receipts, medication details, and appointment information helped me keep things from getting lost.
Tote bag or special paperwork spot Having one place for the folder, calendar, and paperwork helped keep everything from getting scattered across a desk, misplaced, or accidentally thrown away.
Gauze or cotton balls These were helpful for the progesterone shots, especially because sometimes those shots would bleed a little afterward.
Bandages Not always needed, but nice to have nearby for the bigger shots so everything felt a little more taken care of afterward.
Panty liners Depending on your medications and progesterone, discharge can be more noticeable, so having panty liners nearby was one of those small things that helped.
Water bottle This was just helpful to have with me through appointments, long days, and all the waiting that comes with IVF.
Heating pad This was especially nice after progesterone shots or on days when my body felt sore and tense.
Something simple to do while waiting
IVF has so much waiting, and sometimes your mind needs something else to focus on for a little while. Starting a movie marathon, watching a new movie you have not seen before, playing games, or finding a simple show to watch with your partner can help the waiting feel a little less heavy.
Every IVF protocol is different, so not everyone’s medication schedule will look the same. This is just what the process felt like for me and what helped me get through it.
The Shots Themselves Were Not the Hardest Part
The clinic explained everything beforehand.
But it does not fully hit you until you are the one standing there, holding the needle in your own hand.
At first, it felt scary.
I had never done shots like that on myself before, and I was nervous I would mess something up.
Nervous it would hurt.
Nervous I would forget a step.
But after a few days, something changed.
You start getting used to it.
You almost feel like a pro.
The shots I gave myself were mostly on the front side of my body, and honestly, those were not as bad as I thought they would be.
Sometimes I had a bruise.
Sometimes my stomach felt sore from doing shots over and over in roughly the same area.
But for me, the bigger part was mental.
The alarms going off.
Knowing it was time again.
Having to stop whatever I was doing because IVF ran the schedule now, not me.
There were nights I did not want to do another shot.
But when the alarm went off, I got everything ready and did it anyway.
That is something IVF taught me.
Sometimes you do not feel ready.
You just do the next step because it matters.
The Hormones Were a Lot
The hormones definitely affected me.
I felt emotional.
Irritated.
Tired.
Bloated.
Not always like myself.
It is hard to explain unless you have been through it, but IVF can make you feel like your body is doing so much and your mind is trying to catch up.
There were days where I felt like IVF was my whole life.
Even when I was not actively doing a shot or going to an appointment, it was still on my mind.
What time is the next medication?
Are the follicles growing?
Will this work?
What if it does not?
It takes up so much space in your head.
And so much of your calendar too.
Bloodwork.
Ultrasounds.
Monitoring appointments.
I used so much PTO for it.
Infertility already takes from you emotionally, and then it starts taking your schedule, your time, your work days, and your energy too.
It all starts to revolve around the process.
When It Was Hard on Our Marriage Too
I want to be honest about this part because infertility does not just affect one person.
When things were not working, it was hard on both me and my husband.
We were both hurting.
We were both grieving.
And sometimes that pain created space between us, even though neither one of us meant for it to.
It was not because we did not love each other.
It was because we were both carrying disappointment in our own way.
There were times when it was hard to talk about.
So we tried to still make time for each other in little ways.
Sometimes that looked like a movie before bed.
Sometimes it was playing a game together.
Just something small that reminded us we were still us, even when we did not feel emotionally okay.
Looking back, I think that mattered.
Because infertility can make everything feel heavy, and sometimes you need those small moments to remind each other that you are still in it together.
The Upper Hip Shot Was Different
The shot my husband gave me in my upper hip, more toward the upper butt area, was the one I remember hurting more.
I believe that was the progesterone shot.
It was not like the smaller shots I gave myself in the front.
This one felt more intense, and it was the one I needed help with.
My husband did those for me.
And honestly, that became one of the most meaningful parts of the process.
Not because it was fun.
It was not.
But because I felt loved.
I did not expect to feel that way about a shot.
But I did.
There was something about him being willing to do that for me, even though I knew he did not want to hurt me.
He did not want me to go through it alone.
And that meant so much.
He Made It Lighthearted When He Could
Sometimes, when it was time for the shot, he would joke around and count to five.
But he would poke me at two or three.
I would laugh, and sometimes that laugh would make me tense up, which probably made it hurt more.
Then he would feel bad.
He was just trying to make me feel better.
Trying to make something painful feel a little lighter.
And even though it did not always work perfectly, I loved him for it.
Because he was nervous too.
Every single time.
Even after we had done it over and over, he still seemed nervous.
He never wanted to hurt me.
Sometimes I would bleed more from the shot, and I could tell he felt awful.
Like maybe he had done something wrong.
He would check on me, making sure I was okay.
I would tell him I was fine.
That it did not even hurt that much.
Even if it did hurt a little.
Because I knew his heart was in the right place.
He was not just giving me a shot.
He was showing up for me in one of the hardest chapters of our lives.
Waiting After Retrieval Felt So Long
After the stim shots and monitoring appointments came egg retrieval, which is the part where everything started to feel even more real.
Egg retrieval day is still a little blurry in my mind.
I remember being nervous about being sedated.
Then waking up and immediately wanting to know how many eggs they got.
That number felt like everything.
Then came the next wait.
How many fertilized?
And the even longer wait after that, to see how many would keep growing.
Those five days felt like forever.
Every update mattered.
Every call carried hope and fear.
They are just numbers.
But they also feel like possibilities.
Like maybe one of them could become your baby.
Looking Back at the Injections Now
Now that my IVF baby is here, I look back at those injections differently.
At the time, they felt like bruises, alarms, hormones, needles, appointments, and waiting.
Now?
They were worth every bit of it.
I would do it all over again for him.
And I wrote more about that side of things in For My IVF Baby, Now That He’s One.
I do not think about the shots every time I look at him.
But I do think about the process it took to get him here.
The hurt.
The waiting.
The disappointment.
The hope.
The way we kept going even when it was hard.
And yes, it feels strange sometimes that something so clinical led to someone so full of life.
A tiny embryo.
A medical process.
A schedule full of medications and appointments.
And now he is running around our house, laughing, making messes, and filling our lives with so much light.
That part still amazes me.
What I Wish I Knew Before Starting Stims
If I could go back and tell myself anything before starting IVF injections, I would tell her this:
It is going to look like a lot at first.
Because it is.
You are allowed to feel overwhelmed.
You are allowed to be nervous.
You are allowed to grieve how you got here while still being grateful this option exists.
The shots may feel scary in the beginning, but you will learn them.
You will set your alarms.
You will open the little pink box.
And you will surprise yourself.
You do not have to carry it alone, either.
Let your husband stand beside you.
Let your sister-in-law walk you through the confusing parts.
Let the doctor explain things until you feel safe.
Ask questions.
Cry if you need to.
Laugh when you can.
Because sometimes IVF looks like a little pink box full of needles.
Sometimes it looks like your husband nervously counting to five and poking you at two.
Sometimes it looks like bruises and alarms and waiting for updates.
And sometimes, one day, it looks like the baby you fought so hard to get here, running through your house.
Being scared does not mean you are not strong.
Thinking About Doing It Again
We are hoping to do another transfer in September.
And honestly, I feel hopeful and excited.
I know what to expect this time, and that makes it feel a little easier.
I am already thinking about those progesterone shots again.
Of course I am.
But this time, I can tell myself something I could not fully say before:
You got this.
You already did it once.
You can do it again.
And whatever happens, I know we will walk through it together.
Just like we did before.
✨ Thank you for letting me share this part of my IVF story.
If you have gone through IVF injections before, what is one thing you wish you had known before starting stims?
With love,
Rachel RaiRai 💛
You might also enjoy:
→ The IVF Journey That Led Me to You
→ For My IVF Baby, Now That He’s One
→ My Natural Water Birth Story After Two Very Different Births
→ Postpartum Isn’t What I Expected After 3 Births
This post is based on my personal experience with IVF and fertility treatments. It is not medical advice. Every IVF protocol is different, and your fertility clinic’s instructions should always come first. If something feels confusing, painful, or concerning, always reach out to your clinic or healthcare provider.
This post may contain affiliate links. I only share products I personally used or found helpful during pregnancy, birth, IVF, and postpartum recovery.
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