Everyone talks about birth.
They talk about contractions, pushing, epidurals, C-sections… all the ways babies come into the world.
But not enough people talk about what comes after.
This postpartum experience taught me that healing after birth is physical, emotional, and mental all at once.
And for me, it wasn’t the same experience each time. I’ve lived postpartum three different ways and each one taught me something different.
The First Days Feel Like Everything at Once
Those first 24–72 hours…
You feel everything.
You’re exhausted in a way that’s hard to explain. Like your whole body just wants to shut down and rest—but somehow you can’t.
Sometimes it’s the emotions.
Sometimes it’s anxiety.
Sometimes it’s just staring at your baby thinking, “I can’t stop watching you.”
I remember feeling so tired… but also wide awake at the same time.
No one really prepares you for that.
Your Body Still Has to Show Up
One thing that surprised me…
After everything your body just went through, you still have to get up and move. There’s no pause.
You’re hurting, you’re drained, and your body is trying to heal—but life just keeps going.
With my first, I had to wait for the epidural to wear off before I could even move. I felt sick, didn’t want food, didn’t want anything.
With my second, I had to push myself to move because my baby was in the NICU. That gave me motivation, but it didn’t make it easy. And no one talks enough about how hard going to the bathroom is after birth… especially with constipation.
I’ll just say it—
👉 a stool softener is something I would have ready no matter what kind of birth you have.
With my third, I felt more present and aware after birth, which I loved. But I also bled more than usual and felt really drained. And then dealing with my back injury after… that added a whole other layer I didn’t expect.
No matter how you give birth—your body needs care.
Things like a peri bottle or a postpartum healing spray can make a huge difference, especially if you tear.
The Emotional Side of My Postpartum Experience
This is the part that stays with me the most.
There was a moment after my third where my baby was just far enough away that I couldn’t see him… and I couldn’t get up to him.
And that alone broke me a little.
I felt disconnected.
I felt stuck.
I felt like I was alone on an island.
The epidural was wearing off, I was exhausted, but my anxiety wouldn’t let me rest.
That feeling… it’s hard to explain unless you’ve been there.
Postpartum Looks Different Every Time
My first and third postpartum experiences both came with depression and anxiety.
My second… didn’t.
That one felt calmer. More “go with the flow.” I still don’t fully know why.
But my third?
It felt like everything at once.
Physical pain.
Emotional weight.
Anxiety.
Trying to care for three kids.
Dealing with my back.
Helping care for my grandma.
It was a lot.
And honestly… it still is sometimes.
Part of the reason I started this blog is because of this. I needed a place to share, to process, and to remind myself—and maybe someone else—that we’re not alone in it.
What Postpartum Anxiety and Depression Felt Like For Me
This is hard to explain, but I’m going to try.
It felt like I wasn’t fully in control of myself.
One moment I’d feel okay… and the next I’d be crying or stuck in this deep spiral of thoughts.
Like I was sinking into something dark and couldn’t pull myself out.
Sometimes it showed up physically—
shaking hands, racing heart, feeling like something wasn’t right.
And the hardest part?
I’m normally a calm and relaxed person. I love being present, listening, connecting…
But in those moments, I couldn’t always do that.
I felt disconnected from myself.
And that’s something I don’t think people talk about enough.
Day to day, it could come in waves. Sometimes I’d have a few okay days where I could just go through the motions… and then something would trigger it and everything felt heavy again.
I still knew I needed to take care of my kids and my family—but my emotions could either shut down or become too intense.
And that’s hard to carry.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me
I wish someone had told me that postpartum doesn’t always look obvious.
Sometimes it looks like:
- anxiety
- irritability
- guilt
- feeling disconnected
- going through the motions but not feeling like yourself
I wish someone had told me:
You can love your baby deeply…
and still struggle.
Both can exist at the same time.
And asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re human.
The Kind of Support I Actually Needed
With my first two, I felt more alone.
I just figured things out as I went. I focused more on everyone else than how I felt.
But looking back…
I needed someone to notice I wasn’t okay without me having to explain it perfectly.
I needed emotional support, not just help with the baby.
I needed someone to tell me it was okay to rest—without guilt.
What helped the most?
Even something as simple as someone watching the baby so I could sleep for an hour.
That mattered more than anything.
And honestly, having a few things that made me feel even a little more comfortable helped too—like soft postpartum pajamas or a comfortable nursing bra + reusable breast pads when everything else felt off.
If You’re In This Right Now
Hey mama…
I see you.
I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, but I know how heavy this season can be.
You are not alone.
And you are doing better than you think you are.
Please reach out—family, friends, or even professional help. Even one conversation can make a difference.
You don’t have to carry all of this by yourself.
✨ Thank you for letting me share this part of my story.
Postpartum can feel so heavy, but it can also be a place where healing begins—even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.
If you’re in this season right now, take it one moment at a time. You don’t have to have it all figured out.
With love,
Rachel (RaiRai 💛)
Some of the things that helped me most during postpartum were simple comforts, support, and learning how to care for myself too.
→ What Helped Me Through Postpartum
→ Postpartum Must-Haves After 3 Very Different Births
→ The First 24 Hours After Birth
→ When I Couldn’t Lift My Baby: My Postpartum Back Injury
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