Before my first birth, I spent months preparing for the baby. But I never thought to prepare for birth itself.
I had everything for the baby. The clothes, the space, all the little details that make you feel like you have done your part.
But mentally, I wasn’t even close.
I was scared for what was coming and what was expected of me. I knew birth would hurt but I didn’t understand how it would feel, or how much your mindset actually plays into it.
I went into labor thinking I would just get through it.
Instead, I tensed up. I worked against my body. I couldn’t read what it was trying to do, and that made everything feel so much harder.
Looking back now, after three completely different births, I wish I had prepared for birth itself, not just the baby.
Birth Is Just As Mental As It Is Physical
There is so much focus on what to buy, what to pack, what to set up.
But the biggest thing I have learned is this:
Birth is just as mental as it is physical.
When your body is in labor, it is not something you force your way through. It is something you learn to work with.
And if you go in without understanding that, it can feel overwhelming really fast.
I felt that with my first.
I shared more about my first labor and postpartum experience in The Birth That Made Me a Mom.
I remember feeling weak afterward, like I didn’t do it right.
But now I see it differently.
I just wasn’t prepared in the way that actually mattered.
Understanding Labor Helped Me Feel Less Lost
With my later births, I started learning a little more. Enough to understand what my body was actually doing.
Knowing the general flow of labor helped me feel more grounded going in.
- Early labor tends to feel more manageable with contractions spaced further apart.
- Active labor brings stronger, closer contractions. T
- ransition is the most intense part and usually the point where you feel like you cannot do it anymore.
I didn’t know that feeling like “I can’t do this” often means you are actually very close.
That one thing alone could have changed so much for me the first time.
Watching Real Birth Videos Shifted Something for Me
One thing I didn’t expect to help as much as it did was watching real birth videos.
Not the perfect, quiet, edited ones.
Real ones.
And it shifted something in me.
Because I could actually see how intense it gets, how moms move and breathe through contractions, and how raw and emotional it really is.
It helped me understand that birth isn’t calm and controlled the whole time.
It is powerful. It is messy. It is emotional.
And somehow, seeing that made me less scared.
It helped me see that what I felt during my first birth wasn’t me doing something wrong. It was just birth.
Something I Wasn’t Ready For
With my first birth, when they delivered the placenta, I wasn’t prepared for how it would feel.
The nurses moved quickly, and the pain hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting at all. It felt deep and sudden and I remember crying out because it caught me so completely off guard.
In that moment, I felt like I had done something wrong for reacting the way I did.
Then with my third birth, it was completely different.
My body just did it naturally. I didn’t have to rush anything or force anything. It just needed a little time, and once I gave it that, everything happened the way it was meant to.
That experience showed me how much it matters to understand what is coming as best you can.
Not to control everything, but to feel a little less caught off guard in those moments.
The Hormone Drop I Wasn’t Prepared For
After birth, hormones drop fast.
And it is not just feeling a little emotional.
With my boys especially, I felt like I was sinking. Like quicksand.
Postpartum depression came in heavy, and it wasn’t something I could just push through.
I started paying closer attention to things like rest, hydration, magnesium, and emotional support after birth.
I shared more about my postpartum experience and emotional recovery after birth in my postpartum posts.
I wish I had prepared for that part too. The emotional shifts. The need for support. The understanding that it is okay if you don’t feel like yourself right away.
Because that part matters just as much as labor does.
When Plans Change (And It Does Not Mean You Failed)
My second baby was breech and I had a C-section.
I talk more about that experience in The Birth That Turned Everything Upside Down.
At the time, I believed it was my only option. Since then I have learned there may have been other possibilities depending on experience and support, and I am still learning more about that.
Not because I regret it, but because I want to understand my options better.
Birth is not always simple.
And sometimes decisions are made in moments where you don’t have the full picture yet.
That does not mean you failed.
What I Would Actually Focus On Now
If I could go back, I would prepare differently.
Less stuff. More awareness.
Mentally: Letting go of needing control, understanding that birth takes you inward, and learning to trust your body instead of fighting it.
Breathing and releasing tension: Not perfect techniques, just slowing down and learning to soften instead of tense up.
Movement: Walking, changing positions, and listening to what your body needs. Using an exercise ball during pregnancy also helped me stay more comfortable and connected to my body before labor.
Learning your options: Natural birth, epidural, C-section, breech possibilities. Not to stress yourself, just to feel informed going in.
What Actually Helped Me During Labor
Not the perfect setup.
Not everything I packed.
What helped was simple.
A quiet space. Minimal talking. Someone close by. The ability to go inward.
A labor comb gave me something to focus on physically during contractions and helped redirect my attention when things got intense. I gripped it hard through most of my labor.
Having water nearby also mattered more than I expected.
I realized I didn’t want to be touched much. I didn’t want a lot of talking. Just calm, quiet presence nearby.
But the moment that stayed with me most was when my midwife told me I could reach down and feel for my baby’s head.
And when I did, something shifted.
It was like my body suddenly understood how close I really was. I could feel it, not just be told. And it gave me this boost of motivation I didn’t know I needed in that moment.
My mood changed. My mindset changed.
I shared more about that experience in The Birth That Showed Me My Strength.
What I Wish I Had Prepared For
Not just labor. But after.
Recovery. Rest. Emotional support. Identity changes.
Because after each baby, I felt like I had to find myself again.
You don’t just have a baby.
You become a new version of yourself.
If I Could Sit Next to You Before Labor
I wouldn’t overwhelm you.
I wouldn’t walk you through everything that could happen or try to prepare you for every possibility.
I would just sit with you.
And I would say:
You’ve got this.
Not because it is going to be easy, but because your body knows what to do even when your mind feels unsure.
When labor starts, you might feel yourself going inward. Like everything else fades away. The room. The noise. The people around you.
Let that happen.
Don’t fight it.
That is where your body starts to take over. That is where it knows what to do.
And there might be a moment where it feels like too much. Like you cannot do it. Like you want it to stop.
That moment does not mean something is wrong.
It usually means you are closer than you think.
So breathe. Soften. Trust what your body is doing.
Even when it feels overwhelming.
Because you are not doing it wrong.
You are doing something incredibly powerful.
How I See Birth Now
Birth is a lot.
You can read about it, hear about it, try to prepare for it, but being in it is different.
It can feel overwhelming, emotional, and unpredictable. Sometimes nothing like what you expected.
But I don’t see that as something to fear anymore.
I see it as something to understand. To go into with a little more awareness, a little more trust, and a little more grace for yourself.
Because you don’t have to do it perfectly.
You don’t have to know everything.
You just have to move through it, moment by moment.
And somehow, you and your baby move through it together.
No matter how your birth looked. Whether it was fast or long, planned or completely unexpected, natural, medicated, or a C-section, you still went through something real. Something that asked a lot of you.
And that matters.
This post is based on my personal experience as a mom sharing what I have learned along the way. Every birth is different and it is always important to talk with your provider about what is best for you.
✨ Thank you for being here and letting me share this part of my journey.
With love, Rachel (RaiRai 💛)
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