🌼 The Birth That Made Me a Mom
Becoming a mom for the first time is something you can never really prepare for… no matter how many books you read, bags you pack, or dreams you carry in your heart.
This first birth story taught me more about labor, postpartum, and motherhood than I ever expected.
I had just turned 20, and all I wanted in life was to be a mom. Back then, I wasn’t really thinking about what kind of parent I’d be or how much my life would change. All I knew was that I wanted a child in my arms.
Now, looking back, I realize I should have prepared for more than just labor and delivery. I needed to ready myself for the responsibility that comes after.. the exhaustion, the fear, the constant care, and the unexpected joy that hits you in every little moment. These were lessons I would learn along the way and learn I did, one day at a time.
Before Birth
When I imagined giving birth, I pictured it as natural. No medication, just trusting the process and letting my body guide me.
What I didn’t realize was how unprepared I really was.
I hadn’t truly thought about what childbirth meant, and I hadn’t done the research to prepare my mind or body for it. I focused all my energy on preparing for my baby. What he would need, how I would care for him, and all the tiny details of bringing him home.
(I’ll be adding my full hospital bag checklist soon!)
But I didn’t prepare for myself.
I didn’t think about what labor might feel like, what my body would go through, or even what my baby would experience making his way into the world.
My induction was scheduled for 41 weeks that morning. But my body had its own plans.
At 1 a.m., my water broke… while I was sitting on the toilet.
And honestly? That tiny bit of luck made me smile. Because what was about to unfold was anything but calm.
Labor & Delivery
The car ride to the hospital felt like it was happening in another universe.
Time slowed down. Every contraction pulled me deeper inward, and all I could do was focus on surviving the next one.
By the time we arrived, I was already questioning everything.
“I can’t do this,” I told the nurse. “I need something for the pain.”
They told me it was too late for an epidural but offered another medication. I didn’t even think twice.
“Yes. Please.”
Moments later, I had a bad reaction and threw up all over myself in front of the people who had gathered to welcome the baby. I was mortified.
All I wanted was to be left alone.. just me and my body, figuring things out in peace.
But then something unexpected happened.
I was given the epidural after all.
Maybe the nurses felt bad for me. Maybe it was because my doctor wasn’t there yet. I honestly don’t know.
What I do know is the relief was instant.
It felt like I wasn’t even in labor anymore. I couldn’t feel the contractions, and I couldn’t feel the urge to push. They handed me a button to give myself additional doses, and in my foggy, exhausted state… I kept pressing it.
So when the midwife came in and told me it was time to push, I was shocked.
Everything felt numb. I didn’t know if I was pushing right, or even if I was pushing at all. I just listened to her voice and tried to follow her instructions.
The Moment Everything Changed
And then I heard it.
That cry.
Everything sharpened in that moment.
My baby was here. My son.
The little life I had carried for months. The tiny human my body somehow built from scratch.
When they placed him in my arms, time slowed down again but this time in the most beautiful way. I could have stayed in that moment forever.
But almost immediately, he was taken to help with his breathing. My eyes never left him.
Then came a pain I never expected.
The nurses pulled hard on the cord to deliver the placenta. The epidural didn’t touch that pain at all. No one had told me what was about to happen, and it felt sudden and overwhelming.
I panicked, unsure of what was happening or if something was wrong with me.
It’s a moment that still sticks in my memory.
Postpartum & the First Days
Bringing him home felt surreal.
Suddenly the hospital was behind us, and it was just me, this tiny human, and the quiet realization that I was responsible for him now.
Physically, my recovery wasn’t terrible once the epidural wore off. But emotionally, I felt stuck. I was too young, too shy, and too unsure of myself to ask for the help I desperately needed.
And if I could go back in time, I would help that version of me.. that’s what I hope to bring to someone else now, through my experience.
I had planned to breastfeed, knowing there would normally be challenges. When I was 18, I had a breast reduction, something I hadn’t thought much about at the time. I do remember the doctor saying it could cause issues with breastfeeding.
Less than a week into breastfeeding, I had given up, thinking it was my fault.. that I had made a choice that now kept me from naturally giving him milk.
The Part That Stayed With Me
The guilt hit me hard, and the depression followed.
Outwardly, I tried to look like I had it all together. Inside, I was struggling to find my footing. I hadn’t prepared myself for the waves of emotions, the exhaustion, or the sense of being responsible for this tiny human who now completely depended on me.
One thing that surprised me most about becoming a mom wasn’t the sleepless nights or the diapers. It was the overwhelming sense of responsibility mixed with love. One moment I felt completely unsure of myself, and the next I was staring at this tiny person thinking, how did I get so lucky?
Those early days were messy, emotional, and beautiful all at once. Looking back now, I can see that even in the moments where I felt lost, I was learning how to become a mom.
What Helped (and What I Wish I Had Known)
If you’re preparing for your first baby, one thing I would suggest is making a small postpartum care basket for yourself ahead of time.
The truth is, I spent so much time preparing for my baby that I completely forgot to prepare for myself.
I had the hospital pads and a few basic supplies, but that was about it.
If I could go back, I would have made myself a little postpartum basket, simple things to help me feel cared for too.
Things like:
• Postpartum healing pads – I didn’t use these until my third baby, and wow… such a difference. I was so much more comfortable using a pull-up style for those first couple weeks, then switching to pads after.
• Comfortable nursing bras – I didn’t plan ahead for this, but having a good one makes breastfeeding so much easier. I also recommend adding reusable breast pads to help with leaks.
• Peri bottle for healing – A must after tearing. It made bathroom trips way more manageable. Add a soothing spray for extra relief.
• Soft postpartum pajamas – Give yourself this one. You’re healing, adjusting, and doing so much.. being comfortable can make a big difference.
Not because these things fix everything… but because moms deserve comfort too.
The Lesson That Stayed With Me
This birth made me a mom.
But it also taught me something deeper.
Strength isn’t about doing everything perfectly. And it isn’t about doing everything alone.
Strength is showing up.
Trying again.
Holding your baby when you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing… and loving them anyway.
To the first-time mom reading this:
💛 It’s okay if your birth story doesn’t look like the one you imagined.
💛 It’s okay to ask for help.
💛 It’s okay to learn as you go.
Motherhood isn’t about perfection.
It’s about becoming.
And in that delivery room, through the pain, the mess, the fear, and the unexpected moments… I was becoming.
✨ Thank you for letting me share The Birth That Made Me a Mom.
If you’ve already experienced your first birth, I’d love to hear what surprised you the most.
And if you’re still waiting for that day, just know that no matter how your story unfolds, it will be yours. And that alone makes it powerful.
With love,
Rachel (RaiRai 💛)
If you’re preparing for birth, you might also find this helpful:
→ What Helped Me Through Postpartum
→ Postpartum Isn’t What I Expected
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