After my third birth, I expected to feel sore.
That kind of soreness you hear about…
your body adjusting, healing, finding its way back.
And at first, that’s what I thought it was.
Just normal postpartum pain.
But instead of getting better… it got worse.
There was a point where I could barely get out of bed
and even more than that, I couldn’t lift my baby out of his bassinet to care for him.
I remember thinking… this isn’t normal.
It kept getting worse.
Sitting hurt.
Laying down hurt even more.
The only thing that felt slightly better was moving but even that came with pain.
Sleep wasn’t really happening. Maybe 30 minutes at a time, if that.
I felt like I was slowly losing it.
And then one night, it changed.
A sharp pain shot down my left leg stronger than anything I had felt before.
I kept thinking, it’ll get better soon.
But it didn’t.
At 3 in the morning, I went to the ER.
Sitting there waiting, time felt slower because of how intense the pain was.
It’s hard to fully explain that kind of pain unless you’ve felt it.
But going through it gave me a completely different level of understanding and respect for anyone dealing with something like this.
And if you are…
I truly hope you find relief soon 🤍
What It Felt Like
The best way I can describe those days is…
impossible.
There were moments where I just wanted to say,
I can’t do this.
The hardest part wasn’t even the pain itself.
It was not being able to care for my baby the way I wanted to.
Something as simple as picking him up felt like too much.
There were times I would just break down crying because of it.
And as he started moving more trying to walk, exploring…
I couldn’t keep up.
I remember being on the floor… Crying, trying to move with him,
and he was faster than me.
That moment stayed with me.
There were also moments outside the house that hit just as hard.
One time at the library, I had to stop and have my 15-year-old hold the baby because my back completely gave up… Like I was a robot that ran out of oil and was stuck.
It sent a shock down my leg and I couldn’t move.
I had to stand there, trying to get through it…
Frozen until I got myself back to a place where I could function.
Even now…
on the better days…
I still feel it there.
The Part I Wasn’t Prepared For
This was the part that hit the hardest.
The physical pain was one thing.
But mentally…
it was heavy.
I felt a lot of guilt.
I kept wondering:
Did I do something wrong?
Did I not prepare my body enough?
Was there something I should have done differently?
Now I understand more about how important it is to strengthen your core and back…
but in those moments, it just felt like I had failed myself somehow.
I didn’t feel like myself.
The best way I can describe it is…
feeling held back in your own body.
Like you want to show up fully but something is stopping you.
There were so many moments where I broke down.
And if I’m being honest…
those moments still come sometimes.
The thought that kept repeating in my mind was:
I can’t do this, I’m not strong enough.
What I Was Told (and What I Learned)
Eventually, I started looking for answers.
One doctor told me there was nothing they could do and that surgery was the only option.
Hearing that… especially in the middle of everything I was already dealing with…
it made everything feel heavier.
At that point, I was also experiencing numbness in my leg and toes.
They told me I was getting close to something called foot drop, caused by a disc pressing on my nerves.
It didn’t feel like there was much hope in that moment.
But getting a second opinion changed everything.
They still confirmed it was significant—a herniated disc with slight slippage—but encouraged me to try other options before going straight to surgery.
That gave me something I really needed at the time:
a little bit of hope.
At one point, I was able to see what was actually going on through imaging.
I’m not someone who fully understands how to read X-rays, but just seeing it made everything feel more real.
This was part of what I was dealing with:
This was another view taken at the chiropractor’s office, 6 months after the first photo. Right around the time my baby had turned one.
From what was explained to me, the space between my vertebrae was smaller than it should be (almost bone on bone), which meant that disc was still bulging out and getting close to nerves it shouldn’t be touching.
That’s when we talked about starting a 4-month plan using a decompression table. I’m currently working through that now, and I’ll come back to update how it’s going once I’ve finished.
What I Tried (and What Helped Me)
Once I had a better understanding of what was going on, I started trying different things just hoping something would help, even a little.
I started with physical therapy, and over time I did see some improvement.
I also made it a goal to walk daily, even when it felt slow and frustrating.
Just moving my body in a gentle way seemed to help more than staying still.
I added in small things like turmeric for inflammation and started using red light therapy as well.
(This is something I’ve been using lately and it’s been helping me, but everyone’s recovery is different. It’s just something I wanted to share in case it helps someone else.)
And more recently, I began working with a chiropractor using a decompression machine.
That part has been a journey on its own.
Some days feel like progress…
and other days feel like a step back.
But overall, I’m starting to see small improvements and right now, that’s enough to keep me going.
I’m still in the middle of it.
Still learning.
Still adjusting.
Still hoping for more healing.
What I Had to Change
This part took time for me to accept.
I couldn’t just move through the day the way I used to.
Everything had to slow down.
I had to start paying attention to my body in a way I hadn’t before—
noticing when something felt off and stopping before it turned into something worse.
Simple things changed:
Moving slower
Avoiding certain movements
Taking breaks more often
If my back started feeling a certain way, I had to stop and take care of it right then with ice, heat, or just resting for a moment.
I also had to learn something that didn’t come easy for me…
asking for help.
That was hard.
But this experience changed that for me.
I started letting people step in more, whether it was holding the baby, helping around the house, or just giving me a moment to reset.
And honestly…
that made a bigger difference than I expected.
Where I Am Now
I’m still healing.
But things are better than they were.
I have more good moments throughout the day, even though I still have to be careful.
The numbness I was feeling is gone.
The foot drop I was heading toward is gone.
And those are things I’m really thankful for.
The pain is still there…
but it’s not the same as it was in the beginning.
Now it feels more like something I’m managing
instead of something completely taking over.
If You’re Going Through Something Like This
I’m so sorry.
Truly.
Dealing with pain—especially when you’re trying to care for your baby and just live your life—
is something that’s hard to explain unless you’ve been there.
It can feel physical, emotional, and mental all at once.
And sometimes it feels like you’re just trying to get through the day.
If you’re in that place right now…
I see you.
And I really hope things start to get better for you soon.
One Thing I Wish I Knew Earlier
I wish I had paid more attention to my body before all of this.
Not in a pressure way… just in a taking care of yourself matters too kind of way.
Taking care of your core, your back, and the muscles that support your spine matters more than I realized.
It’s something I would do differently now.
And even now, there are a few things I’ve been using that have helped support me while I work through recovery:
→ Red light therapy – something I’ve been using consistently to help support inflammation and recovery
→ Heating pad – one of the simplest things, but something I reach for almost daily when my back starts to tighten up
→ Supportive pillow for side sleeping – helped take pressure off my back at night and made sleep feel a little more manageable
→ Baby carrier with good support – this made a bigger difference than I expected… it helped distribute the weight better so my baby didn’t feel as heavy on my back
→ Anti-inflammatory support (like turmeric) – something I added in to help from the inside as well
→ Gentle stretching and slow movement – even small movements have helped more than staying completely still
→ Keeping things within reach – so I wasn’t constantly bending, twisting, or overdoing it throughout the day
None of these are a quick fix.
But together… they’ve helped me feel a little more supported while I work through healing.
✨ Thank you for letting me share this part of my story. If you’ve gone through something similar or are walking through this, I would truly love to hear your experience.
Healing doesn’t always happen all at once.
Sometimes it looks like small steps…
small improvements…
and learning to listen to your body in a different way than before.
If you’re in the postpartum season or preparing for it you might also find this helpful:
→ Postpartum Must-Haves (After 3 Very Different Births)
Take what helps, leave what doesn’t…
and give yourself more care than you think you need 🤍
With love,
Rachel (RaiRai 💛)
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