Before my first birth, I truly thought I was ready.
I had everything for the baby.
The clothes, the space, all the little details that make you feel like you’ve done your part.
But mentally… I wasn’t even close.
I was scared for what was coming and what was expected of me. I knew birth would hurt but I didn’t understand how it would feel or how much your mindset plays into it.
I went into labor thinking I would just get through it.
Instead, I tensed up. I worked against my body. I couldn’t read what it was trying to do, and that made everything feel harder.
Looking back now, after three completely different births…
I wish I had prepared for birth itself, not just the baby.
Preparing for Birth Isn’t Just Physical
There’s so much focus on what to buy, what to pack, what to set up.
But the biggest thing I’ve learned is this:
Birth is just as mental as it is physical.
When your body is in labor, it’s not something you force your way through.
It’s something you learn to work with.
And if you don’t understand that going in, it can feel overwhelming really fast.
I felt that with my first.
I remember feeling weak afterward… like I didn’t do it “right.”
But now I see it differently.
I just wasn’t prepared in the way that actually mattered.
Understanding Labor Helped Me Feel Less Lost
With my later births, I started learning a little more… enough to understand what my body was doing.
Knowing the general flow of labor helped:
- Early labor → more manageable, spaced out
- Active labor → stronger, closer together
- Transition → the most intense part (and usually when you feel like you can’t do it anymore)
No one told me that feeling like “I can’t do this” often means you’re actually very close.
That alone could have changed so much for me the first time.
If you’re someone who likes to understand things a little more, this helped me:
👉 https://www.acog.org/womens-health/resources-for-you#f:@patientportaltopicnames=[Labor%20and%20Delivery]
Not to overwhelm yourself but just to feel a little more grounded.
Watching Real Birth Changed Everything for Me
One thing I didn’t expect to help as much as it did…
Was watching real birth videos.
Not the perfect, quiet, edited ones.
Real ones.
And it shifted something for me.
Because I could actually see:
- how intense it can get
- how moms move and breathe through contractions
- how raw and emotional it really is
It made me realize that birth isn’t calm and controlled the whole time.
It’s powerful.
It’s messy.
It’s emotional.
And somehow, seeing that made me less scared.
It helped me understand that what I felt during my first birth wasn’t me doing something wrong…
It was just birth.
Something I Wasn’t Prepared For
With my first, when they delivered the placenta, it wasn’t gentle.
The nurses pulled it out quickly, almost like a bandage being ripped off.
And the pain hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting at all.
It felt deep and sudden, and I remember screaming because it caught me so off guard.
There was no warning.
In that moment, it almost felt like I had done something wrong for reacting the way I did.
Then with my third, it was completely different.
My body just did it naturally.
I didn’t have to rush it or force anything—
it just needed a little time.
And once I gave it that, everything happened the way it was meant to.
This showed me how important it is to understand what’s happening before you’re in it—as much as you can.
Looking back, I think learning a little more and hearing other people’s experiences could have helped me feel more prepared… even just enough to ask certain questions or think through a simple birth plan.
Not to control everything—but to feel a little less caught off guard in those moments.
The Hormone Drop No One Prepares You For
This is something I wish more moms were told about.
After birth, your hormones drop fast.
And it’s not just feeling emotional.
With my boys especially, I felt like I was sinking… like quicksand.
Postpartum depression came in heavy, and it wasn’t something I could just push through.
I wish I had prepared for that part too:
- the emotional shifts
- the need for support
- the understanding that it’s okay if you don’t feel like yourself right away
Because that part matters just as much as labor.
When Plans Change (And It Doesn’t Mean You Failed)
My second baby was breech, and I had a C-section.
At the time, I thought that was my only option.
Now I’ve learned there may have been other possibilities depending on experience and support, and I’m still learning more about that.
Not because I regret it but because I want to understand my options better.
Birth isn’t always simple.
And sometimes decisions are made in moments where you don’t have the full picture.
That doesn’t mean you failed.
What I Would Actually Focus On Now
If I could go back, I would prepare differently.
Less stuff… more awareness.
Mental Preparation
- Letting go of needing control
- Understanding birth takes you inward
- Trusting your body instead of fighting it
Breathing & Relaxing
- Not perfect techniques just slowing down
- Releasing tension instead of holding it
Movement
- Walking
- Changing positions
- Listening to your body
Learning Your Options
- Natural birth
- Epidural
- C-section
- Breech possibilities
Not to stress yourself but to feel informed.
What Actually Helped Me During Labor
Not the perfect setup.
Not everything I packed.
What helped was simple:
- A quiet space
- Minimal talking
- Someone close by
- The ability to go inward
I realized I didn’t want to be touched much.
I didn’t want a lot of talking.
Just calm presence.
Even music, I barely noticed it except during small breaks.
But one thing my midwife had me do that really stuck with me…
She told me I could reach down and feel for my baby’s head.
And when I did…
Something shifted.
It was like my body suddenly understood how close I really was.
I could feel it, not just be told.
And it gave me this boost of motivation like, okay… I’ve got this.
My mood changed. My mindset changed.
It made everything feel more real, more possible.
What Didn’t Matter at First
All the extra baby things I thought I needed.
Toys, play areas, extras…
None of that mattered in the beginning.
Your baby mostly needs:
- feeding
- sleep
- comfort
- you
What I Wish I Had Prepared For
Not just labor.
But after.
- Recovery
- Rest
- Emotional support
- Identity changes
Because after each baby, I felt like I had to find myself again.
You don’t just have a baby…
You become a new version of yourself.
If I Could Sit Next to You Before Labor
I wouldn’t overwhelm you.
I wouldn’t tell you everything that could happen
or try to prepare you for every possibility.
I would just sit with you.
And I would say:
You’ve got this.
Not because it’s going to be easy…
but because your body knows what to do, even when your mind feels unsure.
And when labor starts, you might feel yourself going inward—
like everything else fades away.
The room.
The noise.
The people.
It all gets quiet in a different way.
Let that happen.
Don’t fight it.
That’s where your body starts to take over.
That’s where it knows what to do.
And there might be a moment—
where it feels like too much.
Like you can’t do it.
Like you want it to stop.
But that moment doesn’t mean something is wrong.
It usually means you’re closer than you think.
So if I could sit next to you,
I would remind you of that.
To breathe.
To soften.
To trust what your body is doing.
Even when it feels overwhelming.
Because you’re not doing it wrong.
You’re doing something incredibly powerful.
How I See Birth Now
Birth is a lot.
Not in a way that’s easy to explain beforehand.
You can read about it, hear about it, try to prepare—
but being in it is different.
It can feel overwhelming.
Emotional.
Unpredictable.
And sometimes… nothing like what you expected.
But I don’t see that as something to fear anymore.
I see it as something to understand.
To go into with a little more awareness.
A little more trust.
A little more grace for yourself.
Because you don’t have to do it perfectly.
You don’t have to know everything.
You don’t have to get it “right.”
You just have to move through it—
moment by moment.
And somehow…
you and your baby move through it together.
And when it’s over,
you don’t just have a baby…
you’ve walked through something that changes you.
No matter how your birth looked.
Whether it was fast or long,
planned or completely unexpected,
natural, medicated, or a C-section…
you still went through something real.
Something that asked a lot of you.
And that matters.
A Quiet Reminder
This is just my experience as a mom sharing what I’ve learned along the way.
Every birth is different, and it’s always important to talk with your provider about what’s best for you.
✨ Thank you for being here and letting me share this part of my journey.
Keep shining,
RaiRai 💛
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